Only in America!

Quite an appropriate theme song by Toby Keith playing at last night’s victory rally in South Carolina…

Truly it can be said that “Only in America” could a pompous, selfishly scheming, ethically-challenged, morally bankrupt hypocrite like Newt Gingrich – who once grandiosely described himself as “the definer of civilization” – fake yet another religious conversion (like his marriages, for the third time), engage in an ugly campaign of mudslinging, race-baiting and war-mongering (all the while purporting to have a “positive” agenda of “big ideas”)… Then patriotically wrap his bloated corpulence in the flag and claim to be the last best hope the imaginary “American Way” – the defender of its mythical “shining city on a hill,” valiantly preventing its Reaganite golden gates from being stormed by hordes of phantasmal enemies: the media elites, radical liberals, and [insert specific object of your irrational HATE here].

Of course, “Newt the Redeemer” may not have fared quite so well at the ballot in South Carolina had his key opponent not been the “perfectly lubricated” Romneytron-6000; a vacillating, evasive, thoroughly disingenuous humanoid replicant whose bio-mechanical posturing, simulated rhetoric, pandering wingnut subroutines, and otherwise finely-tuned establishment programming repeatedly malfunctioned in staged “debate” scenarios causing the underwhelming Romneybot to lock-up and babble erratically about its ruthlessly calculating leveraged buy-out and tax-dodging activities of past incarnations.

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18 Comments

Filed under 2012 U.S. Election, Media, Republican Party, Wingnuts

18 responses to “Only in America!

  1. deno

    “Truly it can be said that “Only in America” could a pompous, selfishly scheming, ethically-challenged, morally bankrupt hypocrite like [Obama] – who once grandiosely described himself as “the definer of civilization” engage in an ugly campaign of mudslinging, race-baiting and war-mongering (all the while purporting to have a “positive” agenda of “big ideas”)… Then patriotically wrap his bloated corpulence in the flag and claim to be the last best hope the imaginary “American Way” – the defender of its mythical “shining city on a hill,” valiantly preventing its golden gates from being stormed by hordes of phantasmal enemies: the media elites, radical liberals, and [insert specific object of your irrational HATE here].”

    Ahh buddy, you are describing Obama to a tee with this paragraph

    Deno

  2. Evidently, you have a severe reading (and comprehension) problem. A learning deficit not unusual amongst wingnuts, I’m afraid.

    BTW, it’s customary when altering a quote to make note of the fact you’ve done so. Therefore, I added parentheses to your lazy, slapdash revision.

  3. In reading the first paragraph I imagined what you would have wrote if Romney had won, a bit of an alternate ending scenerio, and then I read the second paragraph and found out. I guess the blog posts to the alternate universes of a Santorum victory and Paul upset will be left to the imaginings of Hawking.

  4. Eye of Newt

    I hope the fucker wins, only to see the gnashing of teeth in the ivory-laden towers of liberal blogland.

    I don’t particularly like Newt, and whatever his critics say about him is probably true. But he’s an interesting character.

    The United States is a society in decline, and it would be ironic and fitting if he somehow eked out a win in the general election.

    Americans get the government they deserve.

  5. Should Newt paw and scratch himself into the GOP nomination, expect the teeth of the “ivory-laden towers of liberal blogland” to gleam between lips stretched into a beaming smile at the thought that a two-term Obama presidency, a strong probability with Romney, has just become a certainty.

    I will say this, though, it’s about time the GOP had an “intellectual” candidate. I’m rooting for the greasy degenerate on that basis alone.
    .

  6. I think we’ve just established a new low for the term “intellectual”…

  7. Perhaps, but the standard is not for “intellectual”; it’s for “‘intellectual’“; the quotation marks are key.

    We’re talking about the GOP, here, Red. What kinds of intellectual standards do you expect? Routine use of the subjunctive places you under suspicion of homosexuality with those folks.

  8. My bad for not appreciating the ironical quotation marks. I guess I’ve heard the term bandied about in the “elite media” so frequently, that I took it at face value. Apparently, they seem to think that expressing an interest in dinosaurs and space exploration, writing counterfactual “historical” novels and spouting off inane observations about “brain science” equates to being a public intellectual in America these days.

  9. Don’t forget that Newt’s bohemian lifestyle has bought him some beatnik/hipster/tortured deep-thinker cred as well…

  10. Perhaps, but I don’t see any of those as actual constituents of the rock-bashing, stick-wielding, poo-flinging Republican base.

  11. Is it my wonted earnestness that renders my irony so hard to detect? :)

  12. billg

    The US electorate doesnt care about Newts past sins, hell, Ted Kennedy makes Newt look almost saint like and they loved Teddy boy. Obama will win his second term, but, for the sheer thrill and entertainment value Gingrich is the guy.
    Gingrich just doesnt care if he loses, he’s O’s nightmare scenario.
    This is getting good.

  13. He’ll certainly be a LOT more entertaining than Romney, that’s for sure.

  14. “He’ll certainly be a LOT more entertaining than Romney, that’s for sure.”

    But then so would a pet rock or a Chia pet, not exactly a high mark to hit…

  15. True enough. Romney has all the charisma of a cold bowl of porridge.

  16. Parklife

    “Gingrich just doesnt care if he loses, he’s O’s nightmare scenario.”

    Exactly.. if by nightmare you mean sitting on a beach in Hawaii.

    Newt was on fire yesterday. He released some documents then pointed to his tax plan where Mitt & Co. wouldnt have to bother with taxes at all.

  17. Yeah, that was a truly bizarre moment in the debate. Nobody seemed to know quite how to parse what was being said. Was it a “good” thing that Newt’s little discussed tax plan would result in a multimillionaire like Romney not having to pay any tax whatsoever? Perhaps even Republicans realized that such an outcome would be just plain stupid.

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