Colbert in South Carolina

Stephen Colbert’s speech at the College of Charleston last week, just days before the South Carolina Republican primary.

For the record, “Herman Cain” received 6,324 votes or 1.1% of the total number cast, a figure well ahead of all the other non-candidates still on the ballot; in fact, almost double that of Perry, Huntsman, Bachmann and Johnston, combined.

Colbert v. Citizens United

More fun with SuperPacs from the team of Stephen Colbert and his friend/business partner Jon Stewart (with whom he’s definitely not co-ordinating!).

Because he’s not on the ballot in South Carolina and that state’s GOP doesn’t allow write-ins, the latest TV ad from the Americans for a Better America Tomorrow, Tomorrow SuperPac, Republican primary voters are encouraged to express their support for Stephen Colbert by casting a stealth vote for ex-candidate Herman Cain (who dropped out of the race several weeks ago, but remains on the ballot).

It’s great fun watching Colbert slip a turd into the box lunch of the Republican primary contest. Obviously he won’t “win” the SC primary, but I’m pretty sure he’s got another Peabody Award in the bag.

Cain “Suspends” Joke Campaign

As expected, Herman Cain announced today that he’s effectively dropping out of the race to be Leader of the Free World. I know… we’re all terribly let down by the decision.

Cain claimed he made the decision “with a lot of prayer and soul searching” and blamed it on “the continued distraction, the continued hurt, caused on me and my family” by recent sexual harassment allegations. No mention was made of his own demonstrable ignorance, gaffes, missteps, and woeful lack of qualifications as contributing factors to the demise of his campaign’s fortunes…

Fear not, however. The Hermanator won’t be silenced! In suspending his candidacy, as opposed to saying that he was simply quitting the race or formally ending his bid, Cain maintains the ability to fleece gullible rubes of their pocket money to cover the expenses of his effectively defunct campaign under the guise of financing a brand new publicity venture imaginatively titled “Plan B”… a cunning scheme that will enable him continue promoting his witless book across the country while expounding on his amazing Sim City tax plans and invaluable foreign policy insights.

Cain Disabled

Uh oh! Another “bimbo eruption” threatens to derail the Herman Cain Art Project for good this time…

“It’s probably an infinite number of people who could come forward with a story…”

With his poll numbers ebbing in the wake of an inexplicable popular resurgence by the ethically challenged serial adulterer, corrupt lobbyist and direct mail scam artist Newt Gingrich, this is the last thing accused sexual harasser Herman Cain needed to further his book promotion tour bid to be the next leader of the free world.

Herman Cain Art Project?

I would love to subscribe to this amusing theory Rachel Maddow has been propounding of late to explain the otherwise perplexing Herman Cain campaign…

Unfortunately, I just can’t seem to reconcile myself with the notion that Cain is a brilliantly satirical performance art genius to the more stubbornly held belief that the man is a complete fucking idiot.

Herman Cain: On Libya

Talking to the editorial board of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal newspaper, Herman Cain demonstrates his foreign policy acumen with respect to the recent conflict in Libya…

“Um, I do not agree with the way [Obama] handled it for the following reason. Um, nope… that’s a different one. I gotta go back… see, uh, got all this stuff twirlin’ around in ma head.”


An Anal Cyst Says, What…?

Rush Limbaugh demonstrates, yet again, what an utterly loathsome, hypocritical, morally vacant douchebag he is. No wonder he has such a compelling appeal to countless millions of right-wing “dittoheads”…

By the way, MSNBC did very well hiring former Republican campaign strategist Steve Schmidt as an analyst, don’t you think? His trenchant observations and dry remarks are always a delight.

Cain 2012: Performance Art Project?

We should have known at Pokemon! Rachel Maddow is now convinced that Herman Cain’s campaign is nothing more than an elaborate performance art project. As far as offbeat theories to rationalize the otherwise inexplicable go, this hypothesis may have some merit…

However amusing as it would be to think that the Cain campaign is wickedly clever enough to be pranking the electorate with some satirical purpose in mind, I seriously doubt it to be the case. More convincing to me is the impression that Herman Cain and his team are quite genuinely stupid. Any Onion-like resemblance to facetious comedy are completely inadvertent.

Brotherly Love

Speaking to a friendly audience at a Washington area rally organized by the Koch Brothers funded astroturf political organization “Americans for Prosperity,” Herman Cain gets his shuck n’ jive on to proudly declare he’s the billionaire oil magnates’ “brother from another mother.”

According to the NYT, “as he made the statement, David H. Koch stood up and pumped his fists in the air, a big smile on his face.”

Of course, he was probably just joking about being a tool of the Koch Brothers. You know, like when he “joked” about wanting to lethally electrocute Mexicans at the border, releasing a completely harebrained and impractical tax plan, or pretending not to have the slightest clue that the Chinese have had nuclear weapons for the last 50 years.

Not Quite “Clearing the Air”

Uh oh. The bizarre and increasingly erratic “Cain Train” to the White House has been abruptly derailed for the moment by past allegations of sexual harassment on the part of the former pizza CEO that surfaced in Politico over the weekend.

Attempting to definitively put the story to bed (so to speak), while fielding questions at the National Press Club today, the wacky book peddler and current Republican frontrunner emphatically denied that he had ever harassed the two women that purportedly received considerable financial settlements for no good reason whatsoever (and without his knowledge) from the restaurant trade group he once headed to make their “baseless” allegations go away…

Could be much ado about nothing, of course. Or, if one subscribes to the “where there’s smoke, there’s fire” school of thought, perhaps something more seriously damaging may emerge. Then again, a counterintuitive line of opinion contends that once seized on with cruel relish by the mainstream media, this scandalous controversy may actually boost Cain’s profile and credibility within the Republican base for various reasons that are best described as convoluted and perverse.