Only in America!

Quite an appropriate theme song by Toby Keith playing at last night’s victory rally in South Carolina…

Truly it can be said that “Only in America” could a pompous, selfishly scheming, ethically-challenged, morally bankrupt hypocrite like Newt Gingrich – who once grandiosely described himself as “the definer of civilization” – fake yet another religious conversion (like his marriages, for the third time), engage in an ugly campaign of mudslinging, race-baiting and war-mongering (all the while purporting to have a “positive” agenda of “big ideas”)… Then patriotically wrap his bloated corpulence in the flag and claim to be the last best hope the imaginary “American Way” – the defender of its mythical “shining city on a hill,” valiantly preventing its Reaganite golden gates from being stormed by hordes of phantasmal enemies: the media elites, radical liberals, and [insert specific object of your irrational HATE here].

Of course, “Newt the Redeemer” may not have fared quite so well at the ballot in South Carolina had his key opponent not been the “perfectly lubricated” Romneytron-6000; a vacillating, evasive, thoroughly disingenuous humanoid replicant whose bio-mechanical posturing, simulated rhetoric, pandering wingnut subroutines, and otherwise finely-tuned establishment programming repeatedly malfunctioned in staged “debate” scenarios causing the underwhelming Romneybot to lock-up and babble erratically about its ruthlessly calculating leveraged buy-out and tax-dodging activities of past incarnations.