Right-Wingers Aren’t Funny: Part XLVII

Here’s another utterly dismal attempt at comedy by right-wing partisans, this time from the ultra-conservative folks at Pajamasmedia with a fake newscast presumably intended to resemble The Onion. Minus anything amusing, witty, or delightful.

Why can’t these right-wing clods simply accept the demonstrably obvious fact that their sense of humour is severely impaired for whatever reason, thereby preventing them from being in the least bit funny? Don’t believe me? Well, here’s a little flashback featuring two of the right-wing’s foremost “comedians” on the short-lived Fox News version of The Daily Show a few years back:

If you were able to endure that without viscerally cringing then you too may be suffering from the same crippling humour-impairment affliction that seems endemic amongst right-wing tools and should perhaps seek professional help.

“Justice Sheds” Fill Gap in System

While waiting for their new multi-billion dollar prisons to be constructed, “Conservatives” are protecting their neighbourhoods with homemade “Justice Sheds” to detain suspicious-looking characters the police are too lazy to arrest…

Be sure to check out the assortment of ONN News Patrol action figures at the end of the bit.

AQ Cyberattack

An irresistibly cute photo of a piglet wearing boots was forwarded millions of times by unwitting Americans, wreaking havoc on computer networks across the country and forcing the near collapse of Internet servers.

Just as ridiculous, insane Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi has resorted to blaming Osama Bin Laden and his al-Qaeda operatives for helping foment the revolution in his country by spiking the rebels’ Nescafé with hallucinogenic drugs.

Decoy Muslims

The ONN exposes Al Queda’s latest terror plot – planting millions of normal, hard-working Muslims throughout the nation to get Americans to lower their guard.

The promo for Concurrence Roundtable at the end of the bit is priceless.

Insidious “2 A.M. Worm”

ONN’s Tech Trends looks at the behaviour of a mysterious new computer virus that results in fraudulent late-night purchases and can even affect iPhones and Blackberries, making screens crack as though they were dropped.

New Laws for Abortion Seekers

The In The Know panelists say more states should make decorating a nursery and choosing a baby name required steps in obtaining access to an abortion.

Like many Onion spoofs, there is actually a bizarre subtext of reality here. Over the past decade, several U.S. states have moved to make ultrasound part of abortion service provision. Some laws and policies require that a woman seeking an abortion receive information on accessing ultrasound services, while others require that a woman undergo an ultrasound before an abortion.

As noted by the rather unfortunately-named Guttmacher Institute, “Since routine ultrasound is not considered medically necessary as a component of first-trimester abortion, the requirements appear to be a veiled attempt to personify the fetus and dissuade a woman from obtaining an abortion.”

Gettin’ Stoked

ONN’s “In The Know” panelists discuss whether there’s an epidemic among young people (esp. college males) today who get stoked over everything from nachos and free key chains to finding $10 in their pants pockets.

Warning: Although it’s the weekend, the video contains harsh language and therefore may not be NSFW. Viewer discretion is advised.

Completely off topic; apologies for the extended absence over the last several days. As happens from time to time, I was really bummed out (non-stoked, one might say) by recent news events. Sometimes it’s good to just step away from things for a while, take a deep breath and re-group. Posting will still however be slow and infrequent for a while as I’m kind of inundated with “real-world” stuff at the moment (nothing bad… just lots of work and such).

Obama’s Home Teleprompter Malfunctions

Officials say the President’s home teleprompter is simply a tool to make sure pillow talk with Michelle or conversations with his Mother-In-Law go smoothly.

Recently, Obama has been relying more on his personal teleprompter, sending it alone on low-priority meetings and photo-ops.

Why Not Glenn Beck?

Honours student Rebecca Bunten died in a tragic car crash yesterday, leaving the nation to wonder why the grisly experience of burning alive was not reserved for Fox News talk show host Glenn Beck.