Tag Archives: Death Star

Death Star Project Under Attack!

Supposedly “scientific” calculations from elitist, fancy-pants researchers at Lehigh University released today estimate it will take another 833,315 years to produce enough iron ore and steel at current production levels to build the apocalyptic space weapon proposed by President Gingrich. The research team furthermore projects total cost of the “Callista” Death Star to be more than $852 quadrillion (roughly 13,000 times the world’s present GDP).

Republicans in Congress characterized the study’s findings as unpatriotic, counter to the relentless optimism provisions of the Exceptional Planetary Existence of Americans Act of 2015, and furthermore dismissed its estimates as wild exaggerations based on “excessive facts and inordinate reason.” Pentagon officials also weighed in on the controversy, insisting that continued development of the colossal 140km space weapon is absolutely vital to the national security interests of the United States and its ongoing war on unspecified intergalactic terrorism.

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