Alex Jones: Clueless About Canada

If you didn’t know already that Alex Jones is a hopeless crackpot who doesn’t have the slightest clue what he’s talking about when spinning his delusional conspiracy theories, this hilarious bit of punditry from his radio show about our constitutional “crisis” should settle any doubts in that regard.

I have no idea who his “expert” guest is, but the poor fellow wasn’t even aware of the fact that the Governor General is a woman. It doesn’t stop him freely opining about the situation however.

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• What’s this, National Post letter writers are complaining that the Conservatives are “governing like socialists”? Well duh. As John Ivison notes: “The Conservatives have never been averse to tweaking the nose of orthodox conservatives since the backlash makes them look more moderate.” Cynical and unprincipled? Um, yeah… and this would be a surprise, how?

• “Ontarians are coming together to more effectively assert themselves in the face of an unfairness caused by the financial arrangements between us and Ottawa,” says Dalton McGuinty about a $20 billion “gap” in the federal equalization scheme. Well that might certainly throw a bit of a spanner in the works for the Harper government’s next budget, wouldn’t it?

• Harper’s hapless apology for the Komagata Maru incident almost a century ago seems to be backfiring horribly with the Indo-Canadian community. Surely Ruby Dhalla never had this outcome in mind, did she?

• A sixth disembodied foot has washed up on the shores of the West Coast and a dead body was found in Lake Ontario near a beachfront park in the city’s east end. Time for yet another Clorox® scrub-down of Neo’s keyboard…

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• “Government not sure how to spend wireless windfall,” says the Ottawa Citizen headline translating Jim Prentice talking about various ways the $4.3-billion raised from auctioning off wireless spectrum licences might be spent once Stephen Harper’s “fiscal parameters” have been assessed. Previously, the government had promised that the auction proceeds would be used to pay down federal debt. Now, well, maybe not so much… after all, there are “other priorities” you know.

• Speaking of which, Harper is expected to announce three by-elections for the first week of September. The ridings involved are Westmount-Ville Marie (LPC), St. Lambert (BQ), and Guelph.(LPC). Two of the ridings promise to be close contests.

• Liberals promise to crack down on gas price-fixing as part of their Green Shift plan (not to be confused with GreenShift®, a “consulting” firm and distributor of paper coffee cups, toilet paper, urinal cakes, etc.).

• Two Czech bug hunters arrested in India for poaching have maintained their innocence and called to be released. The Indian press has suggested that the Czechs could belong to an international network of butterfly smugglers. Who knew?

• Why is ABC’s Jake Tapper (part of the “liberal media”) such a nihilistic asshole? Really. The man has the intellectual depth of a rock crab and a moral capacity quite a bit lower than that.

• Is Obama’s campaign team a dissolute bunch of Mooslim-lovin’ drug addicts? Via the always kooky Pam Geller at Atlas Shrugs: “With Senator Obama still in Iraq, his staff and press could be seen smoking flavored tobacco in hookahs in their Amman hotel bar, well past midnight local time.” Scary!!! Plus, there’s even bonus video of Obama “bumbling” and a transcript too! Sample: “Uh, uh, are, uh, uh, uh, um. That’s — that’s a bunch — so — so let me tick these off. Deh… Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, um, uh.” And so on.

• In case you haven’t seen it already, here’s the video showing President Bush caught on candid camera making light of the housing crisis:

Note: Updated with new version that includes an extended excerpt of Bush’s remarks, plus some fairly rabid commentary by TYT. More on the intrigue surrounding the now “banned” video here.

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• The sanity of the wingnuts takes a kern for the worse… Apparently Obama was never actually born at all!

• The unconvincing statement by an aide to Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki calling his remarks in Der Spiegel “misinterpreted and mistranslated” followed a call to the prime minister’s office from U.S. government officials in Iraq. Quelle surprise.

• Hey Jake, here’s a cracker-jack idea, instead of “just guessing” why don’t you actually ask Obama what his “8-10 years” remark meant? I hear that’s what journalists are supposed to do instead of floating silly notions about “the butterfly effect” or other such fatuous nonsense.

• I’m a little late picking this up, but here’s a bit of an oddity: a tribute to Tony Snow by, get this, Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull.

• An estimated 200,000 fans packed the historic Plains of Abraham last night to see Paul McCartney at a free outdoor concert in Quebec City (video below — Live and Let Die).

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• Iraqi PM disputes report on withdrawal plan that seemed to support Obama’s position, a spokesman now saying they “were misunderstood, mistranslated and not conveyed accurately” but without specifying how to a credulous CNN.

• Stubborn seniors refuse to die. Failure to yet appear on Smuckers jar cited as one reason.

• “Despite the claims by some British officers that the Taliban is being tactically routed, no one seems to have told the Islamist insurgents,” quips an editorial in today’s Guardian. The paper concludes saying: “there needs to be an end to the cosy client relationship with Karzai, who has yet to show himself a capable leader, and a retreat from the West’s view that he is the country’s only possible saviour.”

• Writing in the Toronto Sun, columnist Michael Den Tandt says all the mounting evidence of a steady slide into chaos should be steadfastly ignored. “The moment it becomes difficult we wring our hands and imagine the inevitability of failure,” he says of the now seven year long war.

• Grassroots movement to “Save Our Starbucks” springing up across America. Time used to be that Starbucks made news when it came into town… How things have changed.

• Latest Gallup Poll shows U.S. presidential race still a statistical tie.

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• Whatever you do, don’t call it a “timeline”! No, no, no. It’s a “general time horizon” for withdrawal. Politics: Enemy of the English language!

• More insane bullshit from the Second Dumbest Blogger on the Planet®, Larry C. Johnson, who now claims there’s proof floating around that the New Yorker cover was NOT satire. Yes, he’s really advancing this crackpot story. Good grief, the man is almost as stupid as Patrick Ross. Almost.

• According to The National Post, gas prices are expected to drop this summer. No, it’s not a typo, but the free market in action! Should be interesting to see whether the laws of supply and demand still hold true.

• Not that it should surprise anyone, but California’s ballot measure to ban gay marriage is failing according to the latest survey.

• West Vancouver MP Blair Wilson admits to breaking Elections Canada rules but says the “smear campaign” against him has “backfired.” Commissioner of Elections William Corbett found that most of the allegations in an anonymous complaint were unfounded or insufficiently substantiated.

• It’s hard to imagine that McCain’s latest gaffe was anything but an innocent mistake, but even so, it’s sloppy and given all the trips to Iraq that he’s taken, he of all people, should have known better than to spill the beans.

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Attention Bloggers: Please stop thinking your terribly witty post titles riffing off “a million dollars” in connection with this story are in any way original. Resist the urge!

• I’m just curious, when the Fraser Institute issues one of its reports, are they “lecturing us” too?

• Another teaser from the Ottawa Citizen about the mysterious “civil war” going on at the National Gallery that’s pitted the deputy director against the retiring director. I just can’t wait to find out what the real dirt is here.

• Oh, and here’s the latest JibJab video in case you haven’t seen the whole thing yet. It was all over CNN yesterday, but only a few seconds of it.

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• “I don’t get into the technical details,” said Peter MacKay when asked why tendering guidelines were for $100 million DND contract for new unmanned drones changed midway through the bidding. Conservatives — they’re all about the accountability, you know.

• Oh, groan. The Weekly Standard is outraged at Joe Biden’s “offensive quote” about taking McCain to Afghanistan to show him where the “bad guys” are. Yeah, that’s really offensive. Now, let me tell you about McCain’s hilariously “funny” rape joke…

• Give ‘em an inch… ADQ leader Mario Dumont wants Charest to push the government to have Quebec recognized as a nation in the Constitution and open bilateral talks with the feds. Well, you knew that was coming, didn’t you? On a related note, Harper is MIA — too busy fundraising, I guess.

• Hitchens weighs in on the now infamous New Yorker cover, calling the initial reaction by the Obama camp a “statement of extreme lugubriousness.” There’s a ten-dollar word you won’t hear uttered on television. David Horsey at Seattle Post-Intelligencer sends up the cover for “irony challenged literalists.”

• Malkin mocks the abuse of prisoners at Guantanamo, calling Khadr’s case a “Gitmo sob-story” and release of the videotape “a garish Gitmo stunt.”

• The reliably oscitant Matthew at “The Politic” gets into an incoherent lather over the French-led Mediterranean Union, comparing it to the Roman Empire, prompting one commenter to describe the site as “Indistinguishable from the ramblings of a drunken hobo who forgot his meds!”

• The Order of Canada is representative of the “cultural chasm” separating the “elites” from the “public” according to Mark at Daimnation! Imagine that, an honorific order actually made up of people that aren’t “just plain folks” but are, in fact, “outstanding” in some way or other. Outrageous!

• So where do you get these “Pol Pot Hats” exactly? Gerry “Shecky” Nicholls, what a card that guy is.

• What, no replicators? Canadian researchers at the University of Guelph aim to be the first to grow food on the moon.

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• Um, this doesn’t look good. Another of Harper’s “experts” is backing away from his analysis of the alleged “doctored” Zytaruk tape.

• The rich get richer. The McCains stand to profit handsomely from the InBev takeover of Annheuser-Busch. Cindy McCain owns at a minimum $1 million in the company. Stocks were up more than 50% from earlier in the year when possibility of a deal was made public. McCain’s wife is said to be worth more than $100 million.

• Video footage of Canadian agents interrogating a “screwed up young man” in Cuba to be released this morning. It’s already getting play on CNN…

• Yesterday, Bush lifted the executive ban on offshore oil drilling. Expect to see prices at the pump drop significantly in… Never! Anyway, I wonder if there’s oil here.

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• Walter Natynczyk (pronounced id-ee-uh t), Canada’s new defence chief, demonstrates his firm grasp of the situation in Afghanistan by calling a 77% increase in insurgent attacks from the previous year “insignificant” and claiming that Canada’s control of the Afghan countryside has expanded, even though Canadian forces have actually abandoned outlying bases in favour of concentrating troops in the core districts under its command.

• Buying votes with your money. The Conservatives dole out $3 billion in pork, mostly to ridings in eastern Canada, especially Quebec. Western Canada gets just a few token handouts — after all, why even bother when their votes are almost 100% guaranteed? What are they gonna do… vote Liberal? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

• Silly man. Doesn’t he realize that “conservatives” don’t care bupkis about spelling. That’s for elitists. Sheesh! Get with the program.

• Obama’s campaign team really needs to lighten up about this magazine cover — the New Yorker’s target audience is sophisticated enough to recognize satire when they see it. Claiming that “most readers will see it as tasteless and offensive” is not only presumptuous, it’s absurdly condescending. The wingnuts take offense at the “hateful, bigoted attack” but for entirely self-serving reasons. Artist Barry Blitt defends the cover and New Yorker editor David Remnick responds by stating the obvious.

• Right on cue, Bush and Feds rescue Freddie and Fanny, but American taxpayers are now on the hook for $5 trillion worth of mortgages. Private profits and socialized losses… so much for the vaunted “free market.”