Santorum Comes From Behind!

Not a terribly big surprise that homophobic religious wingnut and trigger-happy war-mongerer Rick Santorum would emerge triumphant from last night’s lunatic fracas in Iowa. Beating out competing Christian zealots in the race to not be Mitt Romney with the power of endless shoe leather and attractive sweater vests, the man who dare not be Googled finally succeeded in winning the hearts and “minds” of the mostly white, evangelical Republican voters of Iowa.

Despite endless waffling about whether or not to actually engage in the race, widely detested Willard “Mitt” Romney placed second – a position he’s sadly not unfamiliar with in his lengthy political career as a non-politician.

Much as expected, when push came to shove, actual support for libertarian crank Ron Paul was far less than anticipated or hoped for by his fanatical, frequently batshit crazy boosters, resulting in a disappointing third-place finish in the over-hyped and largely meaningless Iowa caucuses.

As for the other losers in the Republican clown car…Newt Gingrich formally jettisoned the ridiculous pretence of running a “positive” campaign, ominously threatening to gun up his rhetorical chainsaw in New Hampshire; Rick Perry demurely stated he’s going to retreat to Texas to reconsider his options; and pathetic last place finisher Michele Bachmann vowed to stay in the race for some completely inexplicable reason.

Note: Santorum may not actually have won the Iowa caucus. At the time of writing, it could be that a somewhat lesser evil may have ultimately prevailed by the narrowest imaginable sliver of the 0.015 percent of Americans voting last night.

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10 Comments

Filed under Republican Party, Wingnuts

10 responses to “Santorum Comes From Behind!

  1. Brad Dillman (TRN)

    Are you sure? CBC makes a different call (Mitt by 8 votes). I think we’ll have to wait for the recount.

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2012/01/04/iowa-romney-santorum.html

  2. I think I covered that uncertainty in my postscript note. 😉

    Besides, I’ve been waiting AGES to write that headline!

    Hard to believe that after 13 television debates, endless media speculation and untold millions of dollars spent on advertising, the eventual outcome of this farcical nonsense came down to less than 10 measly votes.

  3. Love the headline.

  4. International Progressive

    I’m glad Ron Paul lost. He is a racist anti-semite who published racist newsletters. He called Martin Luther King a philanderer.

    Romney winning represents a vote for sanity. In the off chance that Obama were to lose in 2012, I’d rather he lose to Romney who at least is sane on foreign policy unlike that batshit crazy piece of batshit Ron Paul.

  5. I had to share this one with my 69 yr old mother, she loves follow American politics…the one downside for me was I had to explain about what “Santorum” became the nickname for in the gay male community to make sure she got all the nuances…not the most enjoyable thing to be explaining to a parent. *GRIN* Worth it though for the reaction…I made sure she wasn’t drinking anything, while the spit-take would have been worth it I wouldn’t want to risk her choking at her age.

  6. Scotian: Heh. I cannot imagine having to explain the graphic anal sex-related details of the Santorum neologism to my mother (if she were still alive). Being somewhat proper, I suspect she would have found the whole thing to be in rather poor taste.

  7. Thankfully my parents both were good at facing and dealing with issues surrounding sex and sexuality (including orientation) from when I was a little child onwards, so I knew it would at least not cause major problems. Still though, having to describe to my mother exactly what creates the brown-white froth that is “Santorum” was still a little uncomfortable, but as I said worth it in the end (so to speak…LOL).

  8. Ali

    Not to be a sticky wicket about this, but shouldn’t the headline read
    ‘Santorum comes from behinds’?

  9. What a democracy down south. months and months of hyperbole and it all comes down to a very few votes. Instead of pretending to create democracies around our world perhaps they ought to work on their own.

  10. As much as I find it entertaining, it’s certainly a strange system in almost every respect.

    Quite impossible to imagine something similar ever happening in Canada… Here, most folks can barely tolerate the 40-50 days of politicking it takes to elect a new federal government every four years or so. Down south, it seems like they’re forever in perpetual election mode at one level of government or another… And then, no sooner is someone elected to office than the campaign to re-elect (or kick them out) begins anew.

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