God’s 2012 Predictions

Relax. You can now safely ignore all of the kooky predictions and hapless guesswork of zany media pundits about how events will play out in 2012 because The Lord God Almighty has just spoken personally to Pat Robertson and revealed His cunning plans for the New Year…

Apparently, a “maximum amount of stress and peril” will be involved. Oh goody.

When quizzed by Pat in the form of 20 questions about the specific nature of His impending tribulation, “God” confirmed that it wouldn’t be a crippling electromagnetic pulse, nor would it be a blast of cosmic or solar radiation, nor would be the product of a Mayan “galaxy alignment” or nuclear strikes by rogue Axis regimes, not an earthquake or volcano… also not a massive power failure. In fact, the winner is… “an economic collapse.”

Sheesh. Bit of a letdown after all those hypothetical Darth Vader schemes, wouldn’t you say?



Filed under Religion, Wingnuts

11 responses to “God’s 2012 Predictions

  1. sassy

    I wonder what it was the god told him that he is not supposed to talk about

  2. A: Who’s going to win the 2012 election.

    Pat can’t reveal that now because if he’s dead-wrong then people might realize he’s completely full of shit.

  3. billg

    Everytime Pat Robertson talks my mind goes to Clarence Darrow getting a frustrated William Jennings Bryan to say…”I do not think about the things I dont think about”.

  4. sassy

    RT – of course, why didn’t I see that.

    Best of the New Year to you.

  5. Tomm


    You said:

    “…A: Who’s going to win the 2012 election.

    Pat can’t reveal that now because if he’s dead-wrong then people might realize he’s completely full of shit.”


    How does it feel to have unravelled the mystery?

  6. Tomm: The only “mystery” is how this senile old faker continues to gull the faithful.

  7. I think Robertson has misinterpreted God – who was actually trying to get him to understand that Pat himself is to die this year. That would definitely be more ‘stress’ than the CBN ministry has ever seen since its founding (what – 1960s?).

    That silly man really ought to shut his pie hole.

  8. Peter

    I like the way God plays Twenty Questions with Pat.

  9. Parklife

    Jesshh.. Economic collapse? Nobody cares about that. We just want to know if the Broncos are going to win this weekend.

  10. Tomm

    If i hadn’t seen the video I wouldn’t have believed it.

    It sounds like the solution is more more prayer.

    I would have thought that making better decisions and using the immense wealth and infrastructural base of the nation would have been higher on the list.

  11. Tomm: That sounds like secular heresy to me!

    Just like the Founding Fathers, the majority of Americans today know that praying to a capricious and frequently wrathful Sky God is the answer to everything. I believe it’s in the Constitution…

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