Cain “Suspends” Joke Campaign

As expected, Herman Cain announced today that he’s effectively dropping out of the race to be Leader of the Free World. I know… we’re all terribly let down by the decision.

Cain claimed he made the decision “with a lot of prayer and soul searching” and blamed it on “the continued distraction, the continued hurt, caused on me and my family” by recent sexual harassment allegations. No mention was made of his own demonstrable ignorance, gaffes, missteps, and woeful lack of qualifications as contributing factors to the demise of his campaign’s fortunes…


Fear not, however. The Hermanator won’t be silenced! In suspending his candidacy, as opposed to saying that he was simply quitting the race or formally ending his bid, Cain maintains the ability to fleece gullible rubes of their pocket money to cover the expenses of his effectively defunct campaign under the guise of financing a brand new publicity venture imaginatively titled “Plan B”… a cunning scheme that will enable him continue promoting his witless book across the country while expounding on his amazing Sim City tax plans and invaluable foreign policy insights.

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4 Comments

Filed under 2012 U.S. Election, Republican Party

4 responses to “Cain “Suspends” Joke Campaign

  1. stan chaz

    The circus goes on and on and on. And more than ever, as I look at the sorry set of Republican “rivals” on the other side, I am THANKFUL to have Barack Obama as President, and as a viable candidate for re-election. Mr. Obama: your heart, your values, and your basic decency are all in the right place. BUT…your hands are tied. Unfortunately they were tied by us, the electorate…..when we failed to provide you with a Congress that you can work with. Instead, you are saddled with a don’t-tax-the-1%-do-nothing Congress that battles you at every turn, while the people suffer. God, they don’t EVEN let you pass your own appointments. It’s not Tea-publican gridlock -it’s Tea-publican sabotage. Heck, it’s Tea-publican treason….while the 99% BLEEDS. And then they try to pin the blame on Mr. Obama. These people have no shame…or else its been purchased by those who can afford to do so. In her last years, Grandma gets her meager Social Security check, and they DARE call it “socialism”. Give me a break! (and Grandma too!) Thankfully, with Occupy Wall Street, America has found its voice: a voice that reminds us that people -ordinary down-to-earth working people- really DO matter. Not “corporations are people -people” , but REAL people! Tea-publicans want even more tax-break-corporate-welfare-loopholes….while companies send our jobs overseas, and wish that we’d go away too, as they buy every politician in sight. They talk about “welfare queens”, but hey, if these politicians don’t have ENOUGH mistresses, I can hook them up with a few gorgeous -and rich!- oil companies. It would be a perfect blind date, except for the fact that they’re ALREADY in bed with them :-). But instead of talking about LESS government, and MORE corporate welfare, and MORE painful cuts to those who can LEAST afford it…, Occupy is a voice that demands a government that WORKS, a government that works FOR ALL OF US, not just for a favored few,…not just for the rich. It’s a voice that comes up from the grassroots, and lifts us up in turn: because it insists that this land IS our land…and that we WANT IT BACK! And It’s a voice that will help us re-elect the President AND give him a more progressive Congress to work with. Mr. Obama: I wish you well. Because you STILL give us hope….

  2. Paragraphs are a wonderful thing… Perhaps you should acquaint yourself with them.

  3. John Harker

    As a former rabid fan of the ‘sim city’ series, its too bad the United States doesn’t have a cheat code to get out of the mess that they are in.

  4. I too was an fan of “Sim City” too back in the day. Quite the exercise in frustration.

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