Unsurprisingly, God-bothering lunatic Michele Bachmann emerged triumphant in today’s Ames, Iowa straw poll winning 28.6 percent of the nearly 17,000 votes cast, narrowly edging out libertarian Ron Paul by 152 votes. Former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty finished a distant third in the mock election with just 14 percent of the crazy vote.
As for the rear of the pack, Rick Santorum pulled in 10% of people that enjoyed his gooey homemade jam and didn’t bother to Google his name. Former Federal Reserve appointee, fast food executive and sometime gospel singer Herman Cain got 9%, and Mitt “Corporations are people too!” Romney, the presumed front-runner for the GOP nomination, garnered just 567 votes or a measly 3% of support from the corn-fed nutters. Other dismal losers in this ridculous carnival included Newt Gingrich, Jon Huntsman, and the eccentric Thaddeus McCotter.
No telling at the moment how many of the 718 write-ins for Rick Perry were actually spelled with an “A” – for America.