Following the opening of the Calgary Stampede and yet another tedious photo-op – this time at the local zoo of all places, apparently to educate the Royal couple about how carbon deposits from the Cretaceous era are ingeniously turned into our leading export commodity – today mercifully ends the nine-day cross-Canada tour by Prince William and Katherine Middleton, aka the Duchess of Cambridge.
Presuming this charming twosome might eventually become our titular heads of state it’s perhaps a good thing that they became somewhat more acquainted with this country, even though most of the painfully staged “events” on their itinerary were far removed from the daily realities of Canadian life.
Speaking as a supporter of the monarchy – at least in principle in terms of it being an abstract political concept – I confess to being more than a little turned off by the ridiculous adulation accorded to the Royal couple by their brain-addled fans; for example, some folks at one stop on the tour who exclaimed that having them pet their dog was the “greatest moment in their life” or many others expressing similarly ecstatic sentiments after having exchanged some inane small talk with the exalted pair on a rope line.
To resolve the conundrum of being pro-monarchy and anti-royal, I propose that the existing Royal Family be gradually replaced by robots. Pension off all of the existing “human” royal parasites and instead substitute life-like animatronic replicas specifically programmed with diplomatic protocols and pandering sub-routines tailored for interfacing with gormless proles at ribbon-cuttings, charity events and such. Would there really be any difference from the current arrangement?