Trump Fires Self, Claims Victory

Almost as completely non-shocking as Fox personality Mike Huckabee’s announcement on Saturday that he wouldn’t be running to be the 2012 Republican nominee, today Donald Trump revealed that he too will not be American’s 45th president.

Not that he wouldn’t have won, of course… you know, had he actually decided to run – at least according to sources inside The Donald’s hair.

“This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country. I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election.”

5 Replies to “Trump Fires Self, Claims Victory”

  1. Beating Obama is one challenge Trump cannot over-comb.

    But does anyone actually believe this announcement? How do we even know it is the real Donald Trump? Did he present official signed sealed long form identification?

  2. It’s contrary to his very being to walk away from something he thinks he can win. Successful people especially will smile to themselves, and call B.S.

  3. Sassy: Heh. That’s priceless.

    Sadly, for Trump, the more people got to know him, the more they were turned off by the would-be “Vulgarian in Chief”…

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