Defeating Bureaucracy

Dr. E.L. Kersten, author of The Art of Demotivation, explains how to reverse the trend towards dreary, uninspiring workplace despair commonly experienced by many established companies that have gradually become bloated with torpid layers bureaucracy over time as a consequence of their success.

Recommended methods for taking back the company utilizing the ruse of fostering an “entrepreneurial culture” include: randomly creating fake “crises” for shocking effect; deliberately over-caffeinating workers; strictly limiting their contact with the outside world; and, teaching employees that their desire for so-called “fairness” is nothing but a petty and weak emotional impulse.

9 Replies to “Defeating Bureaucracy”

  1. Pffft.. amateur hour. If you really want to obtain some first hand instructions on office management, look to the legal profession, and my mentor, The Anonymous Lawyer:

    “Swine flu was going to fix things. Weed out the weak. And, incidentally, cancel out all the life insurance we provided our associates, since we were forward-thinking enough to list “diseases of animal origin” in the exceptions clause (along with suicide, cancer, accidental death, heart disease, and other medical-related causes). We need epidemics every once in a while. Plagues, famines, droughts. Things to test us, and give us an excuse to thin the ranks. How else can we do it without being subject to criticism on the Internet? How else can we do it without hurting our future recruiting prospects? How else can we do it without having to actually write that impossible e-mail telling someone he no longer has a job? I needed swine flu to do my dirty work for me. I needed it to make the hard decisions, and help me pick whose sick kids don’t get medical coverage anymore.

    But now it’s over and no one here died and I’m stuck in exactly the same place I’ve been for months. This world is a screwed-up place.”

  2. I actually thought I was going to pee myself. Though, sadly, most humor wouldn’t be funny if it weren’t accompanied by a little bit of truth, in both examples.

  3. I had thought of paraphrasing it as the new Conservative government policy to handle the increasing expense of health care.. but, not everyone has a sense of humor about these things.

  4. Oh, I suspect the Conservatives are perfectly capable of increasing the price of health care without the aid of swine flu. Privatizing an essential public service will do that for you. And if there is one consummation they seem to devoutly desire, it’s privatization.

  5. I just came back to this to read comments and have spent waaaayyyy too much time on Anonymous Lawyer. Holy shit is that funny!

  6. Create a crisis. That’s what a former minister of education in Ontario said. His name was John Snobelen. Where is he now? Not in politics, that’s for sure. He’s one of those from the Mike Harris Common Sense Revolution days.

    Total bust, that. Look where some of them are now. Baird, Flaherty and Clement now taking apart the country piece by piece.

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