Real Time: New Rules

Are Americans in danger of becoming “a little people… a silly people”?

“Folks this is not a drill. This is the real thing. Our booze cruise has hit the iceberg… and I don’t want it to sink. We all need to get involved and learn how to do things and make things again. This is the moment when we must steel our resolve, reach through our blanket sleeves, grab our farting phone, and send off a mighty Twitter saying: ‘Yes we can!’” Heh.

Conservatives Biggest Porn Consumers

porn-map

Here’s something that will totally not surprise you. According to a recent study by the Journal of Economic Perspectives, “conservative” or so-called “red” states spend most on pornography.

Eight of the top ten porn-consuming states gave their electoral votes to John McCain in last year’s presidential election – Florida and Hawaii were the exceptions. While six out of the lowest ten favoured Barack Obama. Furthermore, residents of 27 states that passed laws banning gay marriages boasted 11% more porn subscribers than states that don’t explicitly restrict gay marriage.

Church-goers bought less online porn on Sundays – a 1% increase in a postal code’s religious attendance was associated with a 0.1% drop in subscriptions that day. However, expenditures on other days of the week brought them in line with the rest of the country, the study found.

Twitter Shmitter

Gawd, here’s another wretched invention that’s destroying civilization. I suspect that clinical psychologist Oliver James is probably correct when he suggests that “Twittering stems from a lack of identity” and guesses that the typical “follower” is likely to be “someone who is young and who feels marginalised, empty and pointless.”

p.s. Hey you kids, get off my lawn!

Kenneth (the Page) Jindal

Wickedly funny YouTubers can do anything!

Fun Fact: According to Jindal family lore, Piyush (his real name) chose to re-brand himself “Bobby” inspired by the sitcom character Bobby Brady after watching The Brady Bunch television series at the age of four.

Joe the… [Fill in the Blank]

Plumber, McCain-Palin shill, amateur journalist, right-wing media pundit, digital TV conversion box infomercial spokesman, worst-selling “author” and now… future construction worker and possible political candidate… Yes, it’s the gift that keeps on giving: Samuel Wurzelbacher!

Paul Farhi of the Washington Post documents the atrocity of his recent book signing at the basement of a local Chapters store where he sold all of five volumes of his epic masterwork. Don’t quit your day job! Whatever that may be.