Ted Byfield: Message to SoCons

Right-wing demagogue and former Alberta Report publisher Ted Byfield, speaking at a commemoration for the late Joe Borowski (a socialist prairie populist and radical anti-abortion activist during the 70s) to fellow “social conservatives” about the sensitivity of the Harper government to the concerns of religious fundamentalists.

Byfield is now the director of the Society to Explore and Record Christian History (which makes for the clever acronym SEARCH) a non-profit organization registered in Virginia and Alberta with the stated purpose of researching documenting the history of the Christian church.

Phew! Planetary Destruction Averted

The world’s largest particle collider successfully completed its first major test this morning by firing a beam of protons around a 17-mile underground tunnel straddling the French-Swiss border. Some critics of the $9 billion international project had feared the experiment might create a black hole that would not only consume the project, but destroy the entire planet.

“Well done everybody,” said Robert Aymar, director-general of the European Organization for Nuclear Research, to cheers from the assembled scientists in the collider’s subterranean control room.

Now that the beam has been successfully tested in clockwise direction, CERN plans to send it counterclockwise. Eventually two beams will be fired in opposite directions with the aim of recreating conditions a split second after the Big Bang.

God could not be reached for comments and referred all calls to His earthly representatives who were, unfortunately, immersed in a debate on when a person can be considered dead for reasons of medical transplants.

Harper’s Own “Tax Trick”

Speaking through their oily spokesblob, the Conservatives have snidely referred to the Liberals’ “Green Shift” as a “tax trick” that would raise the cost of “everything” for consumers, but now it seems that they have their own gimmick in the form of a promise to cut diesel taxes by two cents a litre. Cool! With gas prices at the pump at record-level highs, who could argue with that?

Well, for starters, you’re definitely not going to see any difference at all at the pump, so get that idea out of your head immediately. No, this promise applies only to the excise tax on diesel fuel and will save shippers (aircraft companies, but more especially truckers) about 1% of their fuel expenditures — that is, if the promise is even implemented. The promised cut, that will cost the treasury more than half a billion dollars, will be made over the next four years. As the reduction in question is only two cents, we can safely assume that, as with the cut to the GST, this will be phased in — a one cent drop in the next budget and then… at sometime prior to the next election (after this one) the other penny will drop. Are you thrilled yet?

So, let’s step back and review this modest proposal, shall we, just so things are entirely clear. What Harper is offering is a two cent drop in excise tax on diesel fuel that may or may not be implemented should he be elected. If we take the most likely scenario of an immediate one cent drop, that would be a reduction to federal revenue of $300 million and a cut of 0.5% to the fuel costs paid by shippers. Now, do you seriously think any minimal “savings” that may be realized by shippers will be passed on to you, the consumer? If so, I’ve got a bridge to the Ketchikan International Airport I’d like to sell you on…

Cuming Soon…

Good grief, I thought we were all bored to death by this silly tale, but not so it seems. The folks at McClelland & Stewart are shrewdly betting on men’s enduring fascination with fulsome tits in deciding to opportunistically milk Ms. Couillard’s “assets” to the bitter end — that is, prior to her being relegated to the status of a question in some future edition of Trivial Pursuit.

Now some may think this presumably “sensational” tell-all book will damage the Conservatives, but I disagree. Quite the opposite, in fact — if anything, it will only serve to make them somewhat interesting; even perhaps… sexy! And not in the usual “wide-stance” bathroom stall kind of way.

Oops!

Seems that in the mad scramble to stuff anyone with a pulse candidates into ridings, the Conservatives got “blindsided” by news that Rosamond Luke, their hand-picked standard bearer in Halifax had a criminal record for “uttering threats” and breaking her probation.

The insta-candidate’s now former campaign manager wouldn’t respond to questions, but it’s understood that she’s suddenly decided to focus instead on her job as executive director of the All Women’s Empowerment and Development Association, an organization that we note received a $142,000 grant from the Stephen Harper government just a couple of months ago “to enable and integrate low-income immigrant women in Nova Scotia society through entrepreneurship, self-employment and micro enterprise projects.”

Luke was one of four candidates appointed by the Conservative Party that were apparently “challenged” in finding people to run in Nova Scotia. Party officials have said that a new candidate in Halifax is “coming soon.”