Stephen Harper: “A Straight Up Guy”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Yeah, “he’s a straight-up guy” alright. One who is currently in the process of weaseling out of his own “fixed election” legislation that he and his MPs were so proudly crowing about not that long ago. A “straight-up guy” who gave Conservative committee chairs a secret handbook detailing ways to disrupt and derail meetings whenever the debate threatens the party’s agenda. A “straight up guy” that’s been implicated in an alleged $1 million bribe made to an independent MP with terminal cancer in an attempt to win his crucial vote and bring down the former government. Well, you can fill in the rest.

Hey, if you’re feeling creative (and a little malicious), why not make up your own lines for these so-called “main street Canadians” to spout? I can post the best ones in an update here and then maybe some tech-savvy progressive blogger can use them to re-mix the ad, replacing the groan-inducing originals with your more comical versions.

46 Replies to “Stephen Harper: “A Straight Up Guy””

  1. The plastered grin of his at the end is the icing on the cake. Have you ever seen a robot trying to smile? It’s a cross between cute and creepy.

    I saw a 4×4 in the ad, so I’m voting Conservative because they are the only party that will protect my way of life. hahahaha

  2. You know the separated a birth thing….well, don’t you think he looks like Mike Harris in this ad?

    Ya, stand up guy – stand up and take an oath to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth …. guess that’s why you’re sitting down in the ad.

  3. Stephen Harper – Just wait until I win a majority. Then I won’t have to do these stupid, phony ads anymore.

  4. I can’t do it. These treacly, vacuous wholesome stereotypes just bring out the profane in me.

    “I’ve never been prouder to be a Canadian.” Are you fucking kidding me?

  5. I guess I’m just envious. I’d love to live in a reality where every extra day that Stephen Harper is Prime Minister makes me prouder…than ever…to be a Canadian.

    …!!!

    I’d love to lock these people up in a hysteria ward and turn on the hose on them! 🙂

  6. MAN 1: He’s doing a good job. You can tell by the smirk.

    MAN 2: Nothing tells the world “Canada is Back” quite like a smug, self-satisfied smirk.

    WOMAN1 : Oh. My. God. His smirk is, like, SO! HOT!

    MAN 3: Oh. My. God. His smirk is, like, SO! HOT! In a totally heterosexual way.

    WOMAN 2: That smirk of his tells me he’s a family man.

    MAN 4: I’ve NEVER seen such a smirk before.

    WOMAN 2 [AGAIN]: I want him to smirk at my children.

    WOMAN 4: I know he’s smirking for the right reasons.

    WOMAN 5: I like his smirk!

    MAN 4 [AGAIN]: As a Canadian, I’m so proud of his smirk.

    [CRIB THE SMIRKING HARPER SHOT FROM THE ORIGINAL]

    WOMAN 1 [AGAIN]: I, like, totally want my first time to be with Stephen Harper.

  7. redtory
    September 1, 2008 at 8:31 am

    Woman: “I want Stephen Harper to father my next child!”

    Where’s Lola Heatherton when you need her?

    “Stephen Harper, I love you! I want to bear your children. A-Haw Haw Haw!”

  8. redtory
    September 1, 2008 at 8:31 am

    Woman: “I want Stephen Harper to father my next child!”

    Where’s Lola Heatherton when you need her?

    “Stephen Harper, I love you! I want to bear your children. A-Haw Haw Haw!”

  9. I like the fact that Stephen Harper includes minorities in his commericals.

    “I like the fact that he has lowered taxes for all of us.”

    I like the fact that he was wiped out the Liberal surplus (a surplus they achieved while lowering taxes).

    “Finally someone has toughened up our justice system.”

    Exactly, after a steady and significant decline in crime since the early 90’s, it is about time someone did something.

  10. redtory
    September 1, 2008 at 8:31 am

    Woman: “I want Stephen Harper to father my next child!”

    Yeah. Where’s Lola Heatherton when you need her?

    “Stephen Harper, I love you! I want to bear your children. A-haw haw haw haw haw!”

  11. Gee, Steve, I like the token Asian folks representing the diverse country of ours.

    All clean cut and shaven. The regular guy worker who obviously doesn’t sweat.

    And, Steve – get rid of that grandpa sweater.

    Can you imagine liking him as PM because he has two kids? So, he’s had sex at least twice…..he’s a manly, man.

  12. I like how Stephen Harper makes me feel like I’m the most intelligent guy in the country. Before I just thought I was smart, but since Steve came to power I brim with complex and unparalled brilliance! Thank you prime minister! You sir, are something special.

  13. “Gee, Steve, I like the token Asian folks representing the diverse country of ours.”

    Only the good minorities – Asians.

  14. Lulugirrrlll, there are count em TWO Asian women in that commercial.

    Speaking of the last one:

    “I’ll be voting for the last time, and so will you, if you vote for Stephen Harper.”

  15. Has anyone seen the French Language adverts? Harper having a nice discussion around the table with his Quebec cabinet ministers .. . they’re all there, from ‘Col. Klink’ Fortier to ‘No-chin’ Blackburn. If you look very very carefully there’s a quick cut of Bernier looking like he’s shtupping someone or something in a shadowy corner

  16. Hmm, these ads are playing ahead of every CTV newsnet clip. I wonder if that’s a smart thing to do or not.

    Nicely produced ad, very uplifting until that leering fellow at the end. brrr…!

  17. “I like the fact that he has lowered taxes for all of us.”

    Except that paying for the deficits that he has created, in the longer term will eat up more than the 2 cents we ever got.

    “Finally someone has toughened up our justice system.”

    Hmmm, not sure how he has done this. Perhaps those people he has condemned to death in other countries or maybe after a steady and significant decline in crime since the early 90’s, he has done something about that or maybe it we the revamping the gun registry so you only have to register hand guns despite that most crimes are committed with long guns.

  18. I love the smirk (but sometimes he looks like a rabbit with those long front teeth. But even more I like the hair – is it just a lacquered on comb over or a hair piece?!?!?

  19. voiceover guy from Cialis ad…
    “if you have an erection lasting more than four hours, you’ll look like this. Seek immediate medical attention.”

  20. I. . . I think I know that woman at the end of the ad. . . no wai. . . NO WAI! Why did you do it Cyn!?!

  21. I’m not a political fiend, I don’t follow the flavors of the month, the this and that’s, and so on, however, I am a huge minority in Canada, I’m of mixed blood, Aboriginal and African Canadian, my family is poor, and my mother is an single mother on welfare due to a mental illness and she was an aboriginal cut off from her original family because of adoption, I’ve never cared of these things, I just worked hard, and loved my country for what it has provided me and the many opportunities I have managed to gain through sports and volunteering, however when I look at this commercial and many others including his “family man” portrayal, I just can’t help but notice it’s obvious he doesn’t care about myself and other people in my same position. I see no Minorities and only 2 people who aren’t white (excuse that, please.) If I had a soul and was in his position there’s no way I could possibly have the strength to stand up, never mind be a “stand up kinda guy,” and what’s worst of all is that as a child of a mother on welfare, myself being a reasonably intelligent 16 year old male cannot work, thus gaining work experience, because it would be deducted from our check, is this the kinda portrayal we want Canada to have? From going from the Multicultural nation to just another nation where the rich gain funds and the poor become poorer? Oh yeah, this Steven Harper is a straight up guy, and I’m and other people in my position are just getting straight up screwed in the ass. My daily “Oh Canada” has lost all meaning to me. As for the smirk? The only time I smirk is when I know I’m ripping someone off or cheating them in some way, so I defiantly love how this guy can smirk and look right at all of you fools.

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