The Further Adventures of Wild Bill

When we last visited high-profile social conservative and freelance luantic Bill Whatcott, he was making an appearance on Stephen Taylor’s “Blogging Tories” Forum to publicize the act of literally shitting on the Order of Canada. Now, it seems, he’s helping to further the Conservatives’ “law and order” agenda…

This is a true account of what took place at the University of Calgary on July 25th around 11:30 AM. Bill Whatcott shouts to his Jihad for Jesus guerrilla fighter: “run!” Campus security “Stop we’re calling the police” Bill Whatcott to security while running with a fist full of flyers: “call whoever you like I got flyers to get out!” Campus security starts running after Whatcott and his guerrilla fighter Whatcott notices one security driving an SUV, one on bike and one on foot Whatcott orders his guerrilla fighter to run in opposite direction and Whatcott heads for a campus building hoping to lose the campus security so he could get back to leafleting unmolested.

Whatcott’s guerrilla fighter takes off like a gazelle with his bag full of flyers Whatcott is better fed and a little slower than his guerrilla fighter, the campus security all choose to go after him Whatcott makes the campus building huffing and puffing with the security on a bike in leisurely pursuit Whatcott huffing and puffing runs up the stairs with the campus security running behind him carrying his bike on his shoulder Whatcott to a startled Chinese student on the stairs watching the spectacle says: “Hey read this!” thrusts a flyer into student’s hand as Whatcott and campus security runs by him. Campus security to Whatcott running behind him, “excuse me sir can we stop and talk for a minute?” Whatcott to security, still huffing and puffing: “No! I still have flyers to get out!”

Now Whatcott is running down the hallway and security is riding his bike behind him radioing his location. Students in the hallway are looking at the spectacle with fascination. Whatcott to one or two students as he runs by: “read the flyer which is driving this guy to chase me!!!” Whatcott sticks a couple flyers into student’s hands as he runs by. Whatcott now turns and runs down stairs and outside still huffing and puffing with the campus security officer either riding or running with his bike on his shoulder in leisurely pursuit. Security riding bicycle behind Whatcott as they run through parking lot, Campus security SUV now shows up and joins the slow moving high speed chase. “sir, can we stop and talk for a minute about your flyers?” Whatcott still huffing and puffing: “No! I still have flyers to get out!”

More Christian hilarity to be found here.

“I have always believed that right-wingers act upon what they know to be true, whereas left-wingers act upon what they feel to be true.” — Stephen Taylor (On the intellectual superiority of “conservatives”)

Too bad that some of them “know” that an imaginary Sky God commanded them to mail their own excrement to the Governor General of Canada and, later on, as part of a “Jihad for Jesus,” instructed them to evade law enforcement authorities in order to disseminate libellous tracts accusing the Premier of Alberta of being in league with a nefarious conspiracy involving hellbound sodomites.

Once again, the “cold logic” of the right-wing simply escapes me…

Update: A notoriously hateful band of God-fearing “conservatives” are set to protest the funeral of Tim McLean, the migrant carnie recently beheaded for some mysterious reason on a Greyhound bus, as a way of letting Canadians know that “God hates you, and it’s because of your rebellion against his word…” In other Greyhound-related news, the company is now in the process of pulling a series of unfortunately-timed advertisements featuring the slogan, “There’s a reason you’ve never heard of bus rage.”